Bullying Never Ends. But This is Why I Love Working with Teens
I remember when I was in high school, as if it was yesterday. Ha! Don't worry, it wasn't yesterday; my clients remind me that I'm old all the time. Anyway, I clearly remember the pain and embarrassment I felt throughout my experiences. It was a time when you think you know so much about the world, yet you are so naive and sweet. You are vulnerable to bullying because you want so much to be accepted. But how much does that really change as an adult? Or as a parent?
I remember lots of bullying in high school, not to scare parents, but it happens and it sucks for everyone. I wouldn't say that I was always bullied, or that I bullied others all the time, but it felt like a cut throat world in high school. I constantly acted as if nothing bothered me, but when peers were mean, it hurt. High school is like fish bowl where every experience is magnified. As an adult, it is not as intense luckily. Today, when someone tries to hurt me, be mean, make fun of me, I care less, but honestly, it still hurts a little. And unless I hide under a rock, bullies will likely still come my way. Because bullying really begins when you're a teenager in high school, but never completely ends.
What I didn't know then, that I wish I knew now, was that adulthood doesn't necessarily mean high school ends. There will still be mean people. You will still be tested. And of course, you will still hope to lean on friends or family for support. When I work with teens, I like to remind them that I too went through that crazy experience in high school, but I wish someone would have told me that these experiences would only make me stronger and ultimately be one of the main reasons why I love working with teens. Putting myself in my clients' shoes helps me be a better therapist. And helps me work with teens and parents while improving their relationship through this tough time.
Sometimes when I work with teens I want to shout, "Bullying still occurs for adults! Your parents will get it because I get it!!" But I don't want to completly scare them. Teens in therapy want someone they can relate to. When I work with teens however, I also work with their parents. I try to teach parents how to go back to those days. It's hard, I know, but bullying happens to all of us! Remember how hard it was? How dramatic it was? And yes, hormones may have a lot to do with the drama.
Teaching parents to basically do what I do, will improve the relationship with your child. But what if you are that parent that cannot relate to you teen? Trust me, you can! Think about it...If you can't go back in time, can your relate to something recently? Fellow moms may compare their child to yours. You may feel inferior as a parent when another parent shames you. Or what about coworkers who gossip or go out to lunch without inviting you? Don't forget how our supervisors can hurt your feelings with a bad review. The awful times of teenage years may be less intense now as an adult, but the experiences of bullying or mean cattiness, never fully goes away.
Although I wish I could change the world for my child, I can't. So instead, I prepare teens and their parents on how to learn coping skills for upset feelings. I teach parents on how to create lasting support while still being a parent. It's important to teach our children that although we dislike bullying, it happens. If it's violent or extreme, of course we can jump in and help, but for an emotional teen, the coping skills they gain now, will help create a strong, healthy adult. So, if you are like me, and almost all my teens that I treat, let me guide you through coping with bullies. We can do it together.