The Anger Thermometer
Working with children and teens with anger management issues can be challenging. But I find that promoting a positive and supportive discussion about anger helps children find ways to control anger as well as communicate about angry feelings and thoughts effectively. Read on to see how I do this with a simple tool, like the anger thermometer.
The anger thermometer may not be the best communication tool if you and your child are angry at each other. However, once calm and used strategically in a caring, and unshaming way, the DIY anger thermometer can help most children.
First of all, this thermometer is supposed to be positive. Yes, we are talking about anger. And no, that doesn't sound positive, I know. But what I mean is that it should not be shameful, mean, or argumentative when you complete it. As a parent myself there are times when I am not in the best mood or place to do be positive with my child. So the first thing, before you even start this project, is to make sure you are in a good place. You are actually curious about why your child is angry and you are not looking to correct him or her. Instead, you are there to listen and praise your child for the effort made.
Okay, so once you are in a good place, positive, calm, supportive...you can actually begin.
Oh wait. Before you start, you should know the following. This chart is for children ages 5 and up. Children that cannot write, can draw pictures, or you can write for them, but the more the child can do on their own with your support, the better. Also, this should be done with one parent and one child at a time. Do not attempt to complete this with multiple kids...trust me, an argument will happen somehow and you may feel defeated, or need your own anger thermometer. Lastly, this works best with children with average IQ's, insight into their emotions and thoughts, and those that articulate themselves well. Children with special needs, that struggle with awareness of themselves or others, may struggle with this project. Lastly, this should take about 20-30 minutes. So plan your time in order to avoid rushing your kid to finish or seeming disinterested if it takes too long.
First step, grab a few different color sheets of paper. This may seem silly, but it is important for the child to feel like he or she is given options and are in control of the project. Most children have identified a color as their favorite color beginning at age 3 and are proud to chose their favorite color when asked. Additionally, giving a praise for choosing something he or she likes makes children feel proud and more willing to give opinions.
Next, chose something to write with, pencil, markers, crayons, paints, or colored pencils. It does not matter what they chose, but make sure the options you give are ones you are alright with them choosing. For example, do not give them markers or paint if you are afraid or stressed about a mess. Instead, give options that you are willing to deal with.
Draw a thermometer and draw 10 lines indicating that the thermometer is rising from 0-10. Draw lines next to the numbers so that the child can specify on a scale what makes him or her angry.
Explain as follows, "Here is your anger thermometer. I want you to list on a scale of 0-10, 0 being not angry and 10 being the most angry, things that make you angry. For example, 0 anger could be when you are so happy, with no anger, like when you are at Disneyland, or when you get your favorite ice cream!" Can you think of when you have zero anger. Please list it here."
Lastly, walk your child through the scale from 0-10 adding more examples. If he or she is unable to come up with examples independently, give examples that you know about in a non-shameful and supportive way. You can say, "I know! Remember when your sister road your bicycle without asking you? You were angry that day. I wonder how angry you were, a 5? or 7? What do you think?" When your child says 5, praise him by saying, "Great job giving your anger a scaled number. I love when you talk about your anger."
Continue to help your child come up with different scenarios when he or she is angry. Praise your child for being thoughtful, honest, and talking calmly about anger. Find ways to give high fives, back rubs, and hugs for participating.
This concludes using the anger thermometer as seen in the picture. However, there are so many follow up tools that accompany this project!
I do not expect everyone to follow up with more information, but using the thermometer is a great way to start talking about coping skills and ways to improve anger! You can use this tool to talk about what happens in your body when you are angry. Or use your body to help identify your angry and also, use these warning signs to identify when to use coping skills.
For help with coping skills, distraction methods and more, feel free to message me or request more information! Hope this tool helped you and your little ones communicate effectively about anger!